The Book of Jay: Purity
by Grey Narrator
Summary: Beginning with the activation, at a climax, going on to deal with the consequences. After being exposed to deadly radiation and a strain of the FEV the paladin of the wastes is in for a bumpy ride. Ghoul love warning.
1. Childhood Nightmares

**The Book of Jay: Purity  
**  
**_All little girls have nightmares.  
Some just stick.  
_**

* * *

**Warnings.  
**Violence, ghoul love, language, sexual content, gore, homosexual scenes, disturbing imagery and content that may offend some readers. This warning applies throughout this work of fiction

**Notes.  
**This will hopefully be the first of a series of three.

The stories will be presented on a scene-by-scene basis and may bypass, change or summarize certain events or parts of the original plot.

This short chapter can be skipped over, it's just a little intro.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Zero - Some Kind of Distant Past.  
**  
_Pounding the streets where my father's feet still ring from the walls.  
We'd sing in the doorways,  
or bicker and row,  
just figuring how,  
we were wired inside.  
Perfect weather to fly..._

Perfect Weather to Fly, Elbow

===  
Jay.  
_August 20, 2268.  
===_

Shadows slowly leaked out of the woods surrounding a ten year-old Jay. The sky was grey and the clouds seethed and twisted far above her head. Every tree and blade of grass was painted in shades of black, grey and white. A path in front of her led further into the wilds. It was long enough that eventually it vanished in the distance.

A scream echoed somewhere deeper in the woods. For some reason Jay was sure it was her mother.

As scary as the forest was she forced her feet to follow the path. At first Jay was hesitant with slow sacred footfall. Every time she took a footstep a strange electronic beep echoed all around her.

Then the screaming got louder and her gut clenched. If Jay could just get to her mother in time she could do something. It was up to her, she had to get there.

The faster Jay ran the quicker the electronic beeps became. The notes built to one long deafening crescendo as she burst into a painful sprint.

The screaming was choked off to silence. The sound dropped to a low steady monotone. No matter how fast she ran the tempo would not pick up. There was no longer any sign of her mother.

"No, no, no."

The ground turned sticky and grabbed it Jay's feet. She went down hard and her knees slammed into the earth. Jay was only able to look on with wide horrified eyes as the dirt slowly crept over her legs. With a strong jerk it plunged her into darkness.

So Jay started screaming.

"It's alright! I'm here!"

Jay abruptly stopped her wailing. She realized that she had been thrashing in her father's arms. The little girl didn't say anything as she settled in and silently kept crying. Jay moved and laid her head down on his lap. She could hear his breathing and it was soothing.

He started smoothing her hair back with slow, reassuring calmness. It brought peace to her mind and relaxed her body. It drove all the demons from her thoughts.

With her father murmuring comforting words Jay began to fall asleep once again.

"Don't worry, I'll be here."

This time Jay was swallowed by a dreamless sleep.

* * *

**Disclaimer.  
**I do not own, profit from, take credit or claim any content related to Fallout. This applies throughout all of my works of fiction.


	2. The Rotunda

Book of Jay – Purity.  
Beginning with the activation, at a climax, going on to deal with the consequences. After being exposed to deadly radiation and a strain of the FEV the paladin of the wastes is in for a bumpy ride. (FLW. Ghoul love warning.)

* * *

**Chapter One - The Rotunda.**

_This is the bed that i have made.  
This is the grave where i will lay.  
These are the hands where i will bury my face._

_The Great Decay, Cursive.  
_

===  
Jay.  
===

The door sealed itself when they entered the rotunda. The room was large and cavernous, every footstep echoed and every breath sent a hiss into the air. The group of scientists and Brotherhood of Steel soldiers was headed by an odd looking pair. A serious looking ghoul dressed in thick black Kevlar-based armor and totting a shotgun walking beside a soldier in a black suit of power armor. The suit was modified from the base, which was a standard Brotherhood of Steel make. The symbol of omega was welded to the breastplate and it gleamed bright silver. On the back of the armor in thick blocky steel letters were the words 'I am alpha and omega, the beginning and the end.'

As the group descended the stairs a familiar enemy came into view. Colonel Autumn stood waiting, hands behind his back, with a group of enclave soldiers and scientists milling around behind him. They shuffled a little as Jay walked towards them, the grim suited woman was quickly becoming famous for the ferocity with which she hunted Enclave soldiers. The black lenses of her sealed helm stared soullessly at the crowd.

Jay approached the group with Charon close behind. When she stopped, close enough to see every wrinkle on the man's face, Colonel Autumn stepped forwards.

His mouth twisted into a smirk. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth.

Blood foamed between his lips instead of words and the only sound was of him gurgling. The dagger in his throat twisted sharply and the Colonel shuddered. The blade was then jerked out, sending an arch of blood into the air. Drops of crimson splashed across Jay's helm as well as the Enclave soldiers closest to the dying man. She had a smile behind the helmet but there was nothing in her eyes.

The rest of the Enclave forces were stunned. It was only after Autumn fell to the floor with a thump that they hurriedly grabbed their weapons.

In a fluid motion Jay upholstered the plasma rifle from her back. Charon was only shocked for a second before blasts began ringing out. Then he joined in the fray. Sarah Lyons and the other Brotherhood soldier rushed into battle. They took out the rest of the Enclave forces in a quick bloody fight.

The Enclave bodies were cooling on the floor soon after. When every enemy was assuredly dead Jay removed her helmet with a hiss and put it under her arm. She looked drained and apathetic, not even bothering to wipe his blood off her visor. Her eyes had just locked on to those of the dead Colonel as if they might give her answers.

===  
Charon.  
===

Charon was keeping a close eye on Jay after her outburst, she always tried diplomacy before violence. Usually she succeeded. He knew that the Colonel and his ilk had been the cause of her father's death but he was still surprised by her reaction.

She let out a long sigh. After clipping the helm to her armor Jay wiped a grimy hand through her short black hair. She cut it herself, cropped to be easy to maintain. Her mouth was stuck in a permanent snarl since a big shard of metal had sliced through her upper lip and cheek. More scars laced her neck. Big black circles lined her eyes and she had a sharp thin face. She might have been pretty, without the dirt, sweat, tired expression and discolored scars. Charon wouldn't know.

Jay didn't speak to anyone as they silently approached the purifier complex. Charon fidgeted uncomfortably. He didn't like were this was going. His body tensed anxiously as Jay walked ahead of him and went to speak to Lyons.

Jay began removing her armor and weapons, not a good sign. They were placed in a very neat pile on the ground near the stairway. Underneath the armor she wore a grey tank top and grey shorts, both were drenched in sweat. Now everyone could see the multitude of scars outlined against her pale skin. She had a hard wiry body, all bones, muscle and sinew. Jay didn't feel feminine and walking around in little to no clothing caused her no embarrassment.

Jay was speaking in a hushed and serious tone to Sarah Lyons and Charon couldn't quite hear what she was saying.

Lyons gave her a hug that Jay did not return. She broke away from it and approached Charon with big blank eyes and a slack face.

"You are not seriously thinking of doing this" he said harshly.

"I _am_ doing it."

His face twisted into an angry mask.

"No, Lyons and the Brotherhood of Steel are responsible for this."

"My father was responsible for the purifier. He's dead and I'm dying. No one else should have their lives ruined for this project" Jay's voice was uncharacteristically bitter and resigned.

"You don't know you're dying."

Charon looked down at her but she was a thousand miles away.

"Charon, I order you to close your eyes for ten minutes" Jay said "and you will not move until the time is up."

The first real order she had _ever_ given him.

"Bu-"

"You are ordered not speak."

Charon hesitated, he wanted to stop her, he wanted to tell her that she meant something to him, he wanted to change her mind.

He obeyed her orders and closed his eyes without a word.

Three short seconds passed.

One, he felt something soft brush against his lips, realized it was Jay's mouth. A glancing kiss.

Two, he felt something pushed into his hand.

Three, he heard a mechanical hiss.

Something little snapped in the back of Charon's mind. He opened his eyes just as Jay stepped into the reactor room and the doors shut again. It took a second for the meaning of those doors closing to sink in. The past year, the reason he could stand to think and be truly conscious, was all tied in to what was just lost behind steel and glass.

A piece of paper had cost him everything.

Rage and disgust welled up in him and he found his inner voice cursing his own nature. Charon felt adrenaline surge and his fingers clench. The whole situation was so sick. It was wrong. He let it all happen.

When he ran to the doors there were a million unsaid things he needed her to know.

Charon pounded the glass and shouted, not words just a series of long loud noises of abject frustration, anger and pain. The dog howled in the background, held back by the scruff of the neck by Sarah. He took out his gun, dropping whatever she put in his hand, and several shots rang out. The glass was untouched.

Lyons and the others didn't dare go near him.

Charon had lost his mind.

===  
Jay.  
===

Jay's skin burned and her eyes watered the second she stepped through the doors. Her underclothes chafed painfully against her skin every time she moved. Step by step she made her way to the console. Her skin was incredibly sensitive, as if she were covered in burns and every movement made her choke back a cry of pain.

Someone was banging against the glass. Someone fired their gun. She ignored the noise and focused on the music still seeping from her pip-boy, trying to remember what she was supposed to type into the blasted panel.

She pressed two, one and six. There was a mechanical snap, signifying she had chosen the right code.

The pounding stopped.

"I am alpha and omega…"

Her voice came out all wrong. Not how she sounded at all. She sounded like her father, almost.

Dizziness forced Jay to turn around on painful joints. She saw Charon staring at her through the glass. Silly, he had broken a direct order. She was proud. Maybe someone told him what she had given him. Didn't matter now.

Her mouth twitched into a smile, suddenly it didn't hurt her to move anymore. His face remained impassive, at least in her eyes. If she was going to die there was no reason to hold her expression and feign strength. Charon made her feel ashamed that she was so easily attached to people, people only around her because they had to be. Every moment she had thought they were gaining each other's trust now seemed to be a farce. Charon had been forced to humor her in those moments. He probably thought she was an idiot, maybe he hated her. Foolish Jay.

Just a… little girl alone in a room who didn't realize how hard she was crying. How ugly it made her torn up face.

Oblivion was comforting.

The world was spinning but she managed to wave goodbye.

===  
Charon.  
===

He couldn't believe she hit the code.

He dropped his gun in shock.

Charon watched her as she staggered to turn around and lock eyes with him. Jay's stare bore into him, more intimate than anything she could have spoken. He didn't know what to do and he froze. He was all reaction and no thought.

And Jay… smiled at him. Charon couldn't smile back, couldn't do anything. He was numb. Then her face faltered and she looked ashamed. Charon wanted to respond but the situation had him completely overwhelmed. She was crying, the first time he had ever seen her cry.

Then Jay waved.

Everyone was silent when she fell. The only noise was that damned pip-boy, echoing a soft song.

_…and I'm thinking of what Sarah said, that love is watching someone die._


	3. Dreams and Terrors

Book of Jay – Purity.  
Beginning with the activation, at a climax, going on to deal with the consequences. After being exposed to deadly radiation and a strain of the FEV the paladin of the wastes is in for a bumpy ride. (FLW. Ghoul love warning.)

* * *

**Chapter Two - Dreaming in the Void.  
**  
_And it's you.  
And it's May.  
And we're sleeping through the day.  
And I'm five years ago.  
And three thousand miles away._

_Starlings, Elbow._

===  
Jay.  
===

It hurts. Everywhere. She'd cry if she could. Being dead hurt. Being conscious and dead was awful. Her mind was floating in darkness with no bodily awareness. Nothing except pain. Maybe she could shut down. Maybe she could start dreaming.

===  
Jay's Dream.

_Everything looks perfect from far away,  
"come down now" but we'll stay.  
((Such Great Heights, Postal Service.))  
===_

"You're drunk."

Jay turned her head a little to look over her shoulder. She wanted to see who was intruding on her binging. The familiar silhouette of Charon was looming directly behind her. He was staring disapprovingly at the bottle of vodka on the little table in front of her. Maybe because it contained, at most, one or two shots and the rest was empty. He never did approve of her drinking.

The woman's scarred face was flushed red and she was obviously drunk.

Instead of saying anything to that statement Jay just grunted.

The ghoul sat across from her. His back was perfectly straight and it was obvious he wasn't comfortable. The chair was too small for him and his knees skimmed the table whenever he moved.

Jay wasn't wearing her power armor but one of the simple garbs she could use under it, black leggings and a matching short-sleeved shirt. The deep scar across her mouth was still dark red, forcing her lips into a snarl. It was the newest edition to patchwork that covered her skin.

"You have been here all night. You should sleep" Charon's voice was firm.

Her eyes rolled up to look at him and she gave him a mean little half-smiled. That's what she got for politely asking him to 'speak up more'. The little freedoms would hopefully snowball into real independence, eventually. Better he waded into the idea with little steps rather than tossing him right into the water, so to speak.

"Yeah, well I don't really feel like going. I feel like sitting here, finishing this bottle and then maybe pulling out another"

Jay poured herself another shot, eyeing Charon as he continued to stare at her. She knocked it back and savored the feeling of it running down her throat. Jay could hardly feel the burn at this point.

"You just going to sit there and watch me drink?"

He didn't say anything, just kept staring.

"Seriously, it's creeping me out Charon. Do you want a drink?"

Silence and then a slow nod. Jay pushed one of the glasses across to him and she poured him a shot. He drank it and tried, unsuccessfully, not to pull a face. Jay let out a barking laugh and then poured him another. She was obviously close to the point of passing out.

"To the two most badass bastards to ever roam the wasteland!"

Jay drank her shot and promptly fell unconscious.

===  
Charon.

Charon was sitting and staring. He had been sitting in the chair for hours, maybe days, and he moved rarely. Jay was lying there, breathing through a tube, with her eyes almost fused shut. His mind was blank, he was just watching her numbly. The Brotherhood of Steel had allowed him to stay with Jay, not that he would have taken no for an answer. Ever since she had been moved to this bed he had simply sat in the room, watching her, only moving when he had to.

===  
Charon's Memories.

_I have to face the truth that,  
no one could ever look at me like you do,  
like I'm something worth holding onto.  
((You Can do Better than Me, Death Cab for Cutie.))  
_===

When the Enclave had captured Jay her bodyguard had simply refused to move from the spot she had left him. He was stubborn and she had asked him to wait. So he would. Charon waited for a long time. He waited until he was weak, until unconsciousness claimed awoke slowly after that, seeping back into consciousness a little bit at a time. His thoughts became anxious questions rattling around in his mind before he could even open his eyes. Wondering when he had passed out and where he was, who had moved him. Worry about his employer set in and then guilt that he had just given up and refused to budge from the spot she had left him. He didn't want this vacation from the shit pile of his old life to stop. Charon didn't want his routine to change.

Senses crept back over minutes until he knew he was lying on a medical bed. Something heavy lay his chest and something else gripped his hand. He slowly opened his eyes, letting them adjust to the dimly lit room. Very carefully, Charon sat up just a little.

He was in a small, enclosed space with one door. An I.V. was hooked up to his right arm, presumably irradiated. There were no observers or doctors hovering around him and Charon was grateful for that.

The weight was Jay's head, her sleeping face directed his way. Relief washed over him, strong and overpowering all the other things he felt. The reason for that relief made him feel a little guilty. It had little to do with her as a person and more to do with the lifestyle she had shown him. Now his life could resume, the one where he worked for a woman who was trying to make the wasteland better and who had, apparently, dragged his ass all the way to Rivet City.

Somehow, through the scars, she seemed vulnerable while asleep.

At some point she must have nodded off and her head had landed on his chest. Her fingers were interlaced with his. Charon liked how they felt, she had rough callused little hands with nails bitten to the quick. She looked a bit ridiculous too. Her mouth was open just a little and her cheek was squished forwards against his chest. Jay was even drooling. Still, Charon didn't want her to wake up. He wanted to just lie back and feel her head on his chest as it rose and fell.

Charon felt her hand tense. He studied her face and noticed that Jay's eyes were moving wildly under her eyelids. Her brows knit together and she clenched and unclenched her jaw. Sweat broke out on her forehead. Charon assumed she was having a nightmare.

Hesitantly, he reached his free hand around and gently touched the top of her head. When she didn't wake up, Charon ran his hand through her hair, smoothing it back. At first Jay didn't respond, but as he repeated the motion she began to relax. Her hair was sweaty and probably filthy. Charon stopped being nervous about it and lay back again, still running his hand through her hair. She started snoring softly and he felt himself smile.

Charon slowly drifted off to sleep with his fingers tangled in Jay's curls, wishing it would last.

===  
Jay.  
===

After an eternity of boring, painful consciousness Jay realized she was breathing. What a revelation. She could feel air being pulled into herself and pushed back out. The accompanying hope to that shock was fantastic ecstasy compared the hopelessness of her demise. Still couldn't see, still couldn't move. The pain wasn't so bad, more of an ache like that of overtaxed muscles. Jay wasn't going to complain. Still boring but she glided on hope that maybe recovery was still an option. Sleeping, waiting, dreaming…

===  
Jay's Relived Nightmare.

_I play dead,  
and the hurt stops.  
It's sometimes just like sleeping,  
curling up inside my private tortures  
((Play Dead, Bjork.))  
_===

After a bloody long journey Jay was more than happy to return to the pile of garbage she called home. Much to the complaints of her house robot she always had half-made weapons, parts and schematics littering the two-story shack. Every bit of junk was 'on the verge of completion' or had 'sentimental value'. She always vowed to clean the mess up one day but never seemed to get around to it.

"I'm back!" Jay shouted, shaking off her boots.

During this particular job she had asked Charon to stay at home, he was still recovering from the time he spent waiting for her. Jay felt guilty about that but she wasn't sure how to attempt to make up for it. Especially when Charon denied anything was her fault.

Jay shook herself and wandered over to the fridge. There was one beer left, odd since she remembered restocking it with eight. She shrugged and grabbed it, it was already open and soon became half empty. She justified the beer by focusing on the fact robot was up at Moira's getting some parts so she wasn't about to get any purified water.

Humming to herself, Jay removed her power armor as well as her plasma rifle and stored them in a metal crate near the stairs. Now relaxed and unburdened, Jay turned and headed for the couch.

Suddenly her steps were hard to place as a wave of weakness and dizziness overtook her. Jay dropped her beer with a crash and staggered over to a nearby counter, leaning on it heavily.

"Charon?" Her voice echoed, hollow.

Someone slowly walked down the stairs, every step precise and calculated.

"My dear Jay."

Alarm bells went off at the sound of that voice. Her mind was fuzzy but it definitely sounded like...

"Burke?"

"I'm glad you remember me."

The dream suddenly darkened. He came into view, eyes hidden behind glasses and mouth twisted into a smirk. His suit was crisp and clean, his shoes polished. There was nothing menacing about his attire, but the tone of his voice and the way he moved screamed predator.

Jay pushed away from the counter and went for her armor. A few steps into her course a warm hand grabbed one of her wrists, twisted it harshly, and whirled her away. She slammed into the couch hard enough to nearly knock it over. Her breath came in quick, heavy bursts.

Burke slowly removed his hat and glasses before placing them on a cleared surface. He then made his way towards her.

"You know, it is a special kind of humiliation you inflicted upon me" his voice resounded in her head like a purring echo.

Jay tried to stand but she was easily pushed back down. Her eyes tried to keep track of Burke as he loomed above her, an intimidating silhouette. The drug affected her eyes, made her see movement as a blur stung into her line of sight.

"You made me look like a lovesick fool."

"What have you done with Charon?" Her voice came out as a soft whisper.

Burke chuckled and drew a piece of paper out of his pocket.

"I sent him to that filthy bar you seem to frequent. Don't worry I'm not going to keep the contract, I have no wish to have a disgusting creature like him following me. You can have it back once I'm… finished."

Jay's eyes widened at the tone his voice had shifted into. Her face flushed and she looked panicked, afraid and ultimately helpless. The reaction sent an open smile across Burke's face, mixed with an emotion far more frightening. He slowly undid his tie, soaking up Jay's reaction.

"If I'm going to be made a fool of, dearest, I may as well enjoy the prize that caused my downfall."

Jay was not the same girl that had seduced him so long ago. Her face was hardened by life in the wasteland and her body too. To her surprise, Burke actually seemed to derive some twisted pleasure in seeing the messiah weak and powerless before him even if she wasn't particularly pretty. The way he was looking down at her forced a knot into Jay's stomach as she fought to overcome whatever was in her drink.

While Jay squirmed, Burke slowly undressed. She closed her eyes and tried to find some place in her mind that blocked out reality. He forced her to react as he sent searching hands over her, prying off her clothing one garment at a time. His hands were firm and hot, done with the garments and on to positioning her against the couch.

A firm grip closed around her neck and squeezed, her vision sharply returned.

Jay looked into Burke's eyes. Inside them stirred desire, aggression, triumph and an undeniable need to dominate. Still holding her gaze Burke took her. He wasn't gentle, he had her crying and begging. It wasn't the pain, she had experienced far worse in various fights around the wasteland. It was the humiliation, the pleasure in his eyes and the feeling of being owned. She was sickened with herself. Weak arms pushed against him, driving him to greater heights. Every noise of pain or pleasure she emitted added to Burke's intensity. He pressed his lips against her flesh and grazed her with his teeth when he was near the peak. Then she felt hot flashes of pain and cruel pleasure as he bit down, hard, over and over again. Jay was so unsure of everything that Burke took control from her and she felt like an extension of him.

By the time he was finished the drug had long since worn off. Jay did not get up. Burke ran a hand through her hair and tilted her chin. A little trickle of blood slid down her neck where he had broken skin.

"That was enjoyable, perhaps I should make it a regular occurrence. Would you like that Jasmine?"

Jay shivered at the use of her name and drew her knees up. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around her legs.

Burke laughed in the background and it made her fell even sicker. A rustle of paper falling to the ground and the gentle sound of a closing door signaled him leaving.

After an hour Jay mechanically stood up and redressed herself in a loosely fitting grey t-shirt and sweatpants.

An unending tyranny of scolding came from her subconscious. How could she be upset at something so physically undamaging? Do not look weak when you walk out of that front door. Does this really upset you? How could you be so fragile? Walk it off, pussy.

She picked up the contract and left her home. Jay was composed, if a little pale, as she made her way up to Gob's. Charon was standing near the front door, staring into the distance and managing to look angry and worried at the same time. When he met her gaze his stance changed to apprehension. He was about to speak when she held up his contract. Without really paying attention to her surroundings Jay turned and walked out of the bar again. The familiar sound of Charon's feet followed. She didn't speak and when he tried to Jay repeatedly stopped him with either words or gestures.

"Maybe if you were careful with my contract th-"

He was cut off when Jay whirled around. She looked homicidal.

"IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU ARE SO FUCKED UP!"

Charon stared at her, momentarily taken aback by the explosion.

"I don't blame you, a tool doesn't understand who it's being aimed at, but don't you fucking dare try to blame me or I will cut out your damned tongue. It is not my fault that someone can control you with a little fucking piece of paper. It is not my fault that the only important thing in your goddamn life is a stupid fucking CONTRACT. Don't you dare blame me for your goddamn mental problems."

She opened the door to the house and then turned to leave. Charon reached out and his fingers brushed her bruised neck. Jay spun around to stare at him with wide eyes full of shock and fear. That seemed to hurt to him more than the verbal assault. She immediately felt sick and frustrated with herself for having such a response.

"I'm going to see Nova tonight. We're still heading out tomorrow."

===  
Charon.  
===

He was watching her sleep. The way Jay's eyes crinkled, the sudden sweat and the way her brows knit indicated she was having a nightmare. Charon looked around the room to be certain no one was around. Then he slowly picked up her hand and squeezed it.

===  
Charon's Promise.  
===

They had broken camp around a small fire. The dog was sleeping next to Charon while Jay did a quick perimeter search. When she came back she looked a little worried. Instead of taking her usual seat across the fire from Charon, Jay went to sit beside him"If I become a mindless super mutant you have to swear you'll kill me."

Charon choked on his bottle of water and turned to face her slowly. During their journey back to the Citadel she had been mostly silent, only speaking when necessary or during combat. She was still a little shaken, not that Jay would knowingly show it.

"What?"

Jay carefully removed her armor and put it to the left of the fire. She slowly rolled up one of the sleeves of her undershirt. The more skin she showed the tighter the knot in Charon's stomach became. Against her pale flesh were dark marks. At first, the veins were grey but they darkened the further up her arm they traveled. Thick black veins all spread from the crook of her arm outwards. They had almost reached her wrist and shoulder.

"When the Enclave… captured me Colonel Autumn took insurance that I would no longer be a threat" she said, rolling the sleeve back down "I'm not sure what he put in me but I'm sure as fuck it isn't beneficial."

Jay was looking Charon in the eye.

"I won't order you to do anything but I will ask you, if I become a monster can you promise me you'll kill me? I don't want to become just another creature wandering the wastes and mindlessly attacking people and animals. To be put down the Brotherhood… I…"

As a sentient ghoul he understood this sentiment better than others.

Charon took a deep breath "yeah, alright. If it ever happens and no sooner."


	4. Wake

Book of Jay – Purity.  
Beginning with the activation, at a climax, going on to deal with the consequences. After being exposed to deadly radiation and a strain of the FEV the paladin of the wastes is in for a bumpy ride. (FLW. Ghoul love warning.)

* * *

**Chapter Three – Slow Grey Dawn.**

_There's spring in the air.  
They're sweeping the streets._

_Wind is a breeze.  
The sun becomes her, he agrees._

_Love is a Place, Metric._

===  
Jay.  
===

When she was sure she was conscious Jay slowly tested her muscles for the hundredth time. Twitches and useless spasms racked her body. When the self-diagnostic reached her eyes Jay was surprised to find that they responded to her commands. Her eyes snapped open. The light flickering above the hospital bed looked more like the sun than the dim fluorescent it was. She grunted but didn't stop looking up, determined not to close her eyes again.

Someone started shaking her.

"Calm down man, she's fine!"

Colors and shapes came back slowly, burgundy skin and hard eyes staring inches from her face. Jay took a deep breath and blinked, trying to sort out who was standing by her bed. She tried to speak but the only sound to escape from between her lips was a rasping cough. Someone passed her water and she drank gratefully. Feeling began to flow back into her limbs.

Jay's eyes adjusted and she recognized Charon looming over her. Her expression changed to shock and then to cautious relief. It was clear that he was disconcerted by the response, maybe expecting something warmer. Jay's expression softened.

"Hey you.." she said, sporting something between a smile and a grimace.

"Jay" the familiar scratchy voice. He was always more guarded when the two of them weren't alone.

Elder Lyons approached and looked down at her approvingly. A few knights shuffled behind him as well as Scribe Rothchild. Jay moved a little to try and face the people crowded around her, flinching at the soreness of her muscles. Instead she had to be content with turning her head to the side.

"How long was I out?" Jay asked.

"Two weeks" responded Elder Lyons.

"And the purifier?"

"Up and running."

Jay let out a relieved sigh.

"What about Sarah?"

The man frowned and looked down.

"She is still in a coma, but alive. Her vital signs have been improving steadily and she wasn't in the immediate radius of the radiation spike."

A flash of panic spread across Jay's face and then guilt. The panic had nothing to do with Sarah but sudden worries about herself. Jay wondered if she was becoming something different now that she had been bombarded with intense radiation. She hadn't taken a look at herself. Maybe she was a ghoul. Maybe she was becoming one of the mindless super mutants. If so, Charon had better keep his promise.

Jay wanted to check the crook of her elbow to see if those veins still spread.

"You may want to take a look at yourself before you get up."

Elder Lyons walked forwards slowly and gave her a large handheld mirror.

Jay took it from him. She was curious more than apprehensive about her looks, not particularly concerned with beauty. Her face was now deathly pale and smooth like a newborn's, no longer a map of familiar scars or pock marks. She didn't like that change but it was staring back into a stranger's eyes that frightened her. One was a pale blue threaded with shrinking amounts of red and the other was a dark blue with growing patches of familiar brown. At least Jay could see.

"What the fuck happened to my eyes?"

Elder Lyons frowned at the language. Rothchild answered, picking up a nearby clipboard and reading some of the details.

"They were completely ruined when you were taken here originally. After the first few days they seemed to… shed off of you in layers along with much of your skin. They regenerated, slowly, the color going from red to blue as the pigment returned and now they seem to be returning to brown."

Jay looked simultaneously horrified and disgusted.

"Anything else I should know about before I have a goddamn heart attack?"

Rothchild flipped through the various clipboards that littered the room. Jay was a more that a little worried about the various wires and instruments hooked up to her body.

"What do you know about the forced evolutionary virus?"

Jay frowned.

"It's the primary cause of most of the mutations in the waste, from the super mutants to the big fuckin' mole rats."

The scribe licked his lips.

"You seem to be saturated with FEV. All of your tissue and fluids are infected with it. The radiation seems to have… changed it. You show no signs of major negative mutation."

"Like what, becoming a super mutant?"

Scribe Rothchild sighed.

"Yes, like a super mutant. I do not know what it's doing to your body but at least it is not killing you or changing you into a monstrosity. For now, I think, that's enough."

That was comforting, sort of. Jay motioned to the various wires and suction cups attached to her skin.

"So I can take these off then?"

Rothchild nodded. As Jay slowly started tearing them off Elder Lyons cleared his throat.

"Once you are well enough I'd like to give a full debriefing and update on our situation. Ask one of the guards outside your room to fetch your armor when you feel you're feeling up to it. Oh, and your dog has been wandering the halls since you arrived here, it would be good if you could do something about him."

"Thank-you, Elder Lyons" said Jay, smiling.

He and the other Brotherhood of Steel knights gave polite salutes or nods. Elder Lyons, Rothchild and the knights filed out. The door shut behind them quietly. Charon and Jay were alone in the room together along with the unconscious Sarah and a medical android.

Jay carefully maneuvered herself to turn to her companion. They had a few things to discuss.

"I wasn't sure you'd be here" she said quietly "when I figured out I wasn't dead I was sure you had left somewhere, maybe back to Underworld."

That seemed to confuse him.

"Why would I leave?" Charon asked, sitting down in a chair across from her.

Jay's brows knit.

"You did look at what I gave you, right? When we were in the rotunda, before I…"

She stopped before saying '_killed myself'_ to him. Charon frowned.

"I didn't."

Jay's mouth dropped open and then quickly closed, her expression hardened. She guessed that was the reason he was still here with her. Neither of them seemed to have the guts to bring up the kiss. He was probably as embarrassed as she was, but for different reasons. Jay didn't think she'd have to face him again after going out on that limb and now she was far too self-conscious to say anything.

"Charon, it was your contract."

She watched him panic a little then look ashamed of his own response. He fidgeted uncomfortably, looking guilty and stressed. Jay shook her head a little. Now she didn't have the contract she was sure he would leave.

"It's likely where you left it" Jay said, when he didn't get up she continued "you want to go retrieve it, do you not?"

"Yes…"

At least he didn't lie to her. She watched him for a few seconds.

"Well?"

He looked at her questioningly, unsure of his own actions.

"You're… okay with this?"

Jay rolled onto her back and covered her face in her hands in exasperation. She let out a long sigh.

"Do what you want, I don't have your contract."

He stood up and paced once.

"You'll be here when I get back?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Just go Charon."

He was out the door quick, worry creasing his features.

Jay waited until she was sure he was gone before she sat up in her bed. Her pip-boy was still in place and after a couple of seconds she flipped through her items and played a tape. It was the only one with her mother's voice. Now that her father was gone the tape was even more important to her. Hearing her parents happy and together was heartening, made her feel wanted even though the people who loved her were dead.

Instead of dwelling on all of that emotional nonsense she pushed it away and concentrated on getting her physical self back in order.

Jay took a stimpak from her pip-boy and pushed it into her arm with a practiced motion. A few moments later she began testing her limbs and responses. Everything was sore, everything felt tender but at least all of her muscles were responsive.

One leg flipped around to the meet the cold floor and then another. Jay put some pressure on one and found the level of discomfort bearable. She stood up slowly with shaky limbs. One step and then another. After lapping the room a few times she felt a little more comfortable and walked towards the door.

A sharp pain signaled one of her legs spastically locking up. She fell to the ground with a yelp, smashing her knees on the hard floor. For a moment Jay was on all fours, allowing the pain to course through her and make her eyes well. Then her face hardened, Jay was not soft, she simply refused to be. She stood up again, face stony and tense.

The guards brought her the modified suit of armor she had crafted and Jay was happy to see it in fine order. She changed into it slowly, reveling in the strength and stability it offered her. The heavy plate plates shined and the symbol of omega didn't have a scratch on it. The helmet went on with a hiss, hiding her expression and giving her a stoic intimidating look. After she was satisfied, Jay left to find the meeting room.

Dogmeat found her while she walking down the hallway and nearly bowled her over in excitement. Jay couldn't help but laugh and grab onto his thick furry hide. She smooshed his face and head while speaking in baby-talk. When a soldier rounded the corner, Jay coughed and hurriedly straightened up. The dog accompanied her down the corridor and into the large round office

Jay sat down in one of the open chairs while Elder Lyons discussed something with one of the scribes. When he turned around and saw Jay was present he began the meeting. He went over everyone's role in the upcoming sweep to destroy the last of the Enclave forces. Jay was to be the catalyst in the whole plan. She listened to Elder Lyons carefully and entered all of the essential information into her pip-boy. It would be at least two weeks before the plan could be put into a motion, they needed time to prepare.

Jay answered some questions, spoke to some of the Brotherhood knights she was fond of and got as much information as possible from everyone involved in the plan. She waited around in the background until everyone had filed out and she and Elder Lyons were alone. Jay looked antsy and was tapping one of her feet when he finally approached her.

"You're looking better" he said, smiling a little "at least you can wear your power armor without any residual hindrance."

"I feel better. Just a little… cooped up. You said it would take a couple of weeks to put this plan into motion, ya?"

He nodded.

"I'll be back in a week then."

"Where are you going?"

Jay ran a hand through Dogmeat's fur and she smiled a little smile.

"I'm going to kill every slaver in Paradise falls."


	5. Paradise

Book of Jay – Purity.  
Beginning with the activation, at a climax, going on to deal with the consequences. After being exposed to deadly radiation and a strain of the FEV the paladin of the wastes is in for a bumpy ride. (FLW. Ghoul love warning.)

* * *

**Chapter Four.  
Paradise.**

_You're a stranger,  
__so what do I care._

_You vanish today,  
n__ot the first time I hear,  
__all the lies._

_A Stranger, A Prefect Circle._

===  
Jay.  
===

One big black boot crushed the man's throat until he began choking on his own blood. Jay didn't have time to savor the feeling as a couple of slavers fired at her from behind. One bullet hit flesh while the other hissed past her helmet. She swiveled on her heel, killing the man under her boot, and fired her plasma rifle. Dogmeat launched at one of them, knocking him down and tearing out his throat. V.A.T.S. gave her a headshot and the slaver disintegrated into a pile of green sludge. Jay let out a barking laugh, reveling in action and release of tension. After they were dead the doors to the inner sanctum were unguarded. The power armor felt so natural now that she barely noticed she was wearing it. Jay switched her plasma rifle for a fat man.

A hiss of breath left her helmet as she pushed open the inner doors.

Apparently the noise she had generated killing everyone in sight on the outer level had alerted the rest of the slavers to her presence. A mini-nuke disintegrated the snipers and grenade launchers on the closest platform. Dogmeat charged into the fray wholeheartedly, sinking his teeth into flesh and rending it from the body. Smoke and debris blanketed the area in seconds. Her helmet filtered into heat vision and she heard people screaming out curses and threats. She had intimidated some of them into retreating, dressed as she was in heavy black armor. The symbol of omega was becoming a symbol that slavers and super-mutants feared.

Jay slaughtered every slaver she found. When her injuries became a hindrance she pumped herself with another stimpak. Some of her wounds seemed to be regenerating on their own and the drugs picked up the slack. Jay switched between her plasma rifle and the fat man several times during the extermination. Many of the buildings turned to rubble when assaulted by the nuclear weapon. The corpses she left behind were mutilated or pools of irradiated goo. When the dust settled and the bodies were cooling she took off her helm. Then she started poking around in the debris, looking through scorched clothing and pushing rubble away with her boots. Once she found what she wanted Jay approached the slave pens.

Under her precise hands the collars were easily deactivated. She had a lot of experience with computers and electronic equipment, the collars weren't as complex as she had thought. Repairing her laser weapons was a hell of a lot more difficult.

Eventually the constant "oh my god, thank-you! Thank-you!" blended together into a background buzz between collars.

Some of the captives were ghouls but most were human and she showed no preference. They were grateful and she gave every freed slave a few handfuls of caps. The men and women gingerly walked around the corpses as they left the pens. Some of them stripped a body or two to better cloth themselves and they all picked up weapons of one kind or another. They were chatting in excited, loud voices. Jay cleared her throat to the crowd's attention.

"If you all wait by the gates I will come around to escort you to Bigtown" Jay yelled over the din "it's the nearest settlement and from there you can decide what you want to do with your freedom. My truck is out near the gates, my dog's waiting by it."

There was a general sound of approval and they left the lower part of Paradise Falls one by one. Jay went around sifting through the carnage and took whatever was useful or valuable. During her rummaging she heard a soft hiss of breath. Jay whipped around and drew her plasma rifle, eyes scanning the bodies. There was a moving figure in the wreckage of a bar she had reduced to rubble. The woman wore a slave collar and was clenching a knife in one hand. Jay squinted at her, saw the hatred in her eyes, and approached her slowly. The militant slave struggled under the rubble, either trying to get away from what she assumed was certain death.

Instead Jay holstered her weapon and took out a stimpak. She tossed it within reach of the woman and then turned to leave.

Jay made her way back to the entrance of Paradise falls.

The freed men and women were clustered around her truck. It was a large military troops transport, green and brown with thick rubber wheels and a canvas top. The old truck ran on power cells instead of gas and was a fast, efficient way to get around. She had written _Green Monster _on the side in big block letters. It was her baby, Jay loved it more than her other pet projects and she spent more time maintaining it than she did any of her weapons.

She popped the floor storage lid and shoved back some of the old unsold junk stored within. Jay threw all of her spoils inside and made a couple of trips in order to strip the place bare. Some of the money she'd give to the slaves but most she'd keep for herself.

A shrill whistle brought Dogmeat and he barked once before hopping up into the passenger's side front seat. Standing beside the jeep Jay clapped her hands together and looked up at the mass of people.

"Everyone got a hold on something?"

They gave a general shout of approval. With a grin, Jay started to walk around to driver's side.

A familiar voice echoed out over the waste just as she was about to swing up.

"Where the hell have you been?!"

It was Charon, walking towards her at a hell-bent pace. He could have seen the smoke from miles away. Jay turned away from the truck to face the pissed off ghoul. She rarely saw him display such strong emotion but it didn't change her neutral expression.

"Killing slavers."

"You said you would be there when I got back" he growled.

"No, you said that" said Jay, snorting.

She moved to swing up onto the truck when Charon grabbed her elbow.

"We aren't done talking."

He was being uncharacteristically pushy. Jay wondered if it had something to do with the fact he probably held his own contract. She didn't really care.

"So what? You want me to apologize?" Jay asked, responding in the same tone.

He frowned.

"No, I want you to consider that you give me a fucking heart attack when you disappear."

"You're the one that left."

Jay wrenched her arm out of his grasp and swung up into the driver's seat of the car. She started the engine and waited. Charon sighed and pushed the dog over to sit in the passenger side. Jay knew she was being childish but also didn't really care. He was being childish too.

It was a silent and awkward ride to Bigtown.

They arrived and Jay immediately began helping slaves out and started settling them in. She saw to those that needed medical attention and handed out food and water. When the people of Bigtown took over and began directing their guests Jay spent some time fixing up the robots she had left to protect the place. She hadn't spoken to Charon yet and was a too proud to seek him out.

When she finally decided to settle in for the night Jay went back to her truck and climbed into the flat back. Dogmeat joined her, curled up and promptly fell asleep. She had taken off the canvas top in order to have a clear view of the surroundings. Jay scanned the area for Charon and saw him leaning against a nearby building. She nodded to him and lay down in her armor. The hard bottom was oddly comfortable and she put her feet up on her helmet. It took a while but she slowly drifted into a sort of twilight between sleep and wakefulness.

Jay started in the middle of the night with a cold blade pressed to her throat and a warm body on her chest. She waited and contemplated having Dogmeat kill the would-be assassin. All she'd have to do is signal. Jay sensed hesitation and slowly opened one eye, if she could get out of this without killing them she would.

The woman staring down at her was attractive despite the smudges of dust and dirt on her face. She was wearing a dirty pink dress and her head had been shaved except for a tuft of hair on her forehead.

Jay recognized her as the slave she had spared earlier.

"Well girl, what's it going to be?" Asked Jay.

When the woman didn't move Jay leaned into the knife, letting it bite her skin. A warm trickle of blood ran down her neck. A quick flash of black and Jay had grabbed the woman's wrist. She twisted the knife out of the slave's grasp and gently put it on the ground. Then she waited for the slave's move.

A warm weight pressed into Jay's armor and she realized that the woman was desperately hugging onto her. Unsure of what to do, Jay just let her sit that way. The slave was silent, just clinging to Jay and unmoving. They remained together until morning when she noticed that the slave had actually fallen asleep.

After dawn had broken Jay carefully extricated herself from the woman's grasp without waking her. She dug around in the storage compartment to find two blankets. One she use to cover the woman and the other she put under her head. Then Jay put the canvas top back on and let the woman sleep in.

When she exited the truck Charon was waiting for her.

"What was up with that broad in the truck" he asked, then took a close look at Jay "and why is there blood on your neck?"

Jay wiped her hand across her throat to find no wound or scar, only dried brown blood.

"She cut me last night. The wound is totally gone, what the hell is going on? It should have at least left a scab or something, it isn't like I took a stimpak" said Jay, still rubbing the spot.

"That woman… cut you and you're letting her sleep in our truck?" Said Charon, frowning.

"Aren't you listening? I healed! What the fuck does that mean? Am I going to start growing an extra fucking arm?"

Charon sighed and rolled his eyes.

"I doubt it, and don't avoid the subject. You're lettin' a dangerous woman stay in our truck _and_ you let her sleep next to you. You suicidal now?"

"No, obviously not."

"Nothin' obvious about it."

"She isn't going to hurt me and she needed someone. I wasn't about to push her away. If she wanted to see me dead she would have killed me last night."

"So maybe that woman's totally insane, you don't know how dangerous she could be."

"Are you afraid I'll take her with us?"

Charon frowned but didn't say anything. A pair of arms wrapped around Jay's waist in a brief hug before the slave in the pink dress walked to her side. She linked an arm with Jay and leaned her head against her. Jay bristled a little and turned a light shade of pink.

"Can I stay with you? Just for a little while, until I get back on my feet?" asked the woman.

Jay quelled Charon with a look and he sighed, already knowing the answer.

"Of course. I need to head back to Megaton anyways to take care of some business."

A frown from her companion.

"Thank-you, Mistress. They used to call me Clover but you can call me whatever you want" she said, leaning further into Jay.

"You're, uh, welcome" she said awkwardly "my name's Jay."

Clover was eyeing Charon and she seemed to be enjoying the look of hatred on his face.

"Whatever your desire, Mistress Jay, although your friend seems to distrust me" Clover shot a flirtatious look at Jay "maybe he's a little jealous? Worried about my intentions towards you?"

Charon's mouth opened slightly in stunned silence.

"I need to… uh… go check on the truck" said Jay lamely, turning around and walking off with a bright red face.

The second Jay was out of earshot Clover shot the ghoul a nasty smile.

"You should be worried."

* * *

**Author's Note.  
**Sorry this one is a little shorter than normal " I've been having a bit of writer's block after having my laptop gone for so long.

**Reviews.  
**Iodelta: Thank-you for the encouragement! I'm glad someone's reading this ^^ I hope the formate makes it a little easier to read than before. Thanks as well for being my first reviewer!


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